House-shopping tips with that one fella.

"Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo" (thetomselleck) 03/07/2020 at 14:12 • Filed to: Houses

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Look closely at your potential neighbor’s property. Does it resemble David Tracy’s yard? If not, look closer: you may wish it did. Because there are things worse than a few dozen broken down vehicles. One of them being   bamboo.

These bamboo trees are about 25 ' tall, and two feet from the property line. And this is just on the south side of the property. Let’s move north to see more.

The bamboo has conquered this retaining wall, growing over, under, and through the concrete.

Here’s some loose soil I kicked up on the actual property, 8' away from the neighbor’s . It was rich in bamboo-ness.

My advice: DON’T BE A BAMBOOER.

CB > Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo 03/07/2020 at 14:17

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Ok bamboomer.

BaconSandwich is tasty. > Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo 03/07/2020 at 14:17

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But... what if I like bamboo?

Besides, it doesn’t grow where I live.  It’d freeze to death in no time.

SBA Thanks You For All The Fish > Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo 03/07/2020 at 14:22

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We need a Disaster Film Series:

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PS. They are fanatical over on Maui, where we spend time, in keeping bamboo out. There’s a couple of non-spreading decorative varieties allowed, but that’s it.

Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo > SBA Thanks You For All The Fish 03/07/2020 at 14:25

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We found  some odd variant of kudzu in our background at our last home after a few years. It was pretty much impossible to eliminate, grew 2 feet in mere weeks.

Just Jeepin' > Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo 03/07/2020 at 14:26

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Reminds me of this great video that, I believe, someone posted here recently.

Invasive species are a disaster . Around here it’s honeysuckle, which crowds out most native plants and attracts birds with their sugary-but-otherwise-no-nutrition berries.

SiennaMan > BaconSandwich is tasty. 03/07/2020 at 14:50

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I’m not certain about that, unless you mean Minnesota freeze..

https://chadwickarboretum.osu.edu/our-gardens/learning-gardens/bamboo-garden

If only EssExTee could be so grossly incandescent > SBA Thanks You For All The Fish 03/07/2020 at 14:57

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BITTERSWEET HAS JOINED THE BATTLE

RPM esq. > Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo 03/07/2020 at 15:03

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Here is my back fence . I’d never be a bambooer. My neighbors, on the other hand...

BaconSandwich is tasty. > SiennaMan 03/07/2020 at 15:11

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Southern Alberta.  Between the cold temperatures and wild temperature swings, not many things flourish.

SBA Thanks You For All The Fish > If only EssExTee could be so grossly incandescent 03/07/2020 at 15:14

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Oh, man, that has me scared and I’m just looking at a JPEG of it...

Highlander-Datsuns are Forever > Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo 03/07/2020 at 15:14

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Are you familiar with Japanese Knotweed? There was some at our house and it’s taken a tanker truck of roundup to kill it. https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.newsweek.com/japanese-knotweed-driving-men-murder-257257%3famp=1

If only EssExTee could be so grossly incandescent > SBA Thanks You For All The Fish 03/07/2020 at 15:32

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It’s nasty. I’ve worked on clearing it from a site that looked similar to the one at 4:15 in this video. It took a team of fifteen of us three six-hour days to clear one copse.

facw > Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo 03/07/2020 at 15:51

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Bamboo is cool though!

I’ll admit I have spent a considerable amount of time cutting back bamboo that had overtaken a friend’s gazebo. Kind of a pain, especially since I was doing it with the saw on my L eatherman and not a chainsaw.

In any event, clearly the solution is to get a pet panda.

ranwhenparked > Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo 03/07/2020 at 16:09

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When I worked for a nonprofit, there was a wealthy 90something year old retired businessman that would allow groups to use his estate for different events. He let us have it for a week of day camp on the condition that we hack down some of the bamboo - he vividly remembered watching his sister plant two shoots in the 1920s, now he’s got several acres of it and growing. 

Jordan and the Slowrunner, Boomer Intensifies > Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo 03/07/2020 at 17:35

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I’ve had to search for monitoring wells in kudzu and in bamboo. Kudzu is silly child’s play. A machete cuts through it like butter, bamboo is not the same. The site with the really bad bamboo has two old houses in the midst of it. You can’t see them from 15 feet away.

RPM esq. > Highlander-Datsuns are Forever 03/07/2020 at 17:42

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The one good thing about this shit (compared to bamboo or invasive blackberries) is that in certain seasons when it dries out a bit you can easily  cut it down to the ground with, like, a hedge trimmer.

RPM esq. > Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo 03/07/2020 at 17:44

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I hate bamboo but it’s better than the hillside of blackberries they ran the entire length of one side of  my old property. That gave me a lot of scars, physical and psychological.

DipodomysDeserti > Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo 03/07/2020 at 19:13

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You seem to be the only inspector I ‘ve encountered that actually inspects shit. Mine seemed to miss the fact that my neighbor built their backyard wall over 900 sq-ft of my property. That was a fun thing to deal with. 

gmporschenut also a fan of hondas > BaconSandwich is tasty. 03/07/2020 at 21:44

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“not many things flourish.”  

For now......

BaconSandwich is tasty. > gmporschenut also a fan of hondas 03/07/2020 at 22:01

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You had me curious, so I looked it up. We’re at a growing zone 4 b. Bamboo requires 5 or up. So it may survive as an annual, but planting it outside would probably kill it over winter.

Longtime Lurker > Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo 03/08/2020 at 00:43

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So when it punc tures that electric line will the subsequent be post titled “Electric Bamboogaloo”